Tips for Ski Season
This is to remind you skiers how to prepare for the ski season,
and to remind the non-skiers why we have the sense NOT to ski.
Visit your local butcher and pay $35 to sit in the
walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two
$50 dollar bills to warm up.
Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice
20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis,
accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your
street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy an expensive pair of gloves and immediately throw
Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a
hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.
Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and
ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket
lacerate your face.
Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as
it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let
the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're
skiing in front of a snowmaker!
Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed
to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
Repeat all of the above every weekend.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
All Rights Reserved.