Tornado Glossary

Tornado season is upon us again, so here is a glossary of tornado terms you may want to familiarize yourself with:

Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and their severity.

1. F1:  Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house, then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick. People enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.
   
   
2. F2:  Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong enough to blow your house into your car.
   
   
3. F3:  Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the other side of town.
   
   
4. F4:  Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn a bus into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.
   
   
5. F5:  The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.
   
   
6. Meteorologist:
   A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the t.v.: "GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.
   
   
7. Tranquilizer:
   What you have to give any dog or cat, who lived through a previous tornado, every time it storms, or they tear your whole house up freaking out.
   
   
8. Moore, Oklahoma:
   A favorite gathering place for tornadoes. They like to meet there and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of the Midwest
   
   
9. Bathtub:
   Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado, mostly because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off and come out looking great!
   
   
10. Severe Weather Radio:
    A handy device that sends out messages from the National Weather Service during a storm, though quite disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill noise it uses as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like a tornado.
    
    
11. Tornado Siren:
    A system the city spent millions to install, which is really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado.
    
    
12. Storm Cellar:
    A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost 100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not cared for and are homes to rats and snakes.
    
    
13. May-June:
    Tourist season, when people who are tired of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to chase a tornado. These people usually end as Storm Chasers.
    
    
14. Barometric Pressure:
    Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a lot of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital while dodging tornadoes.
    
    
15. Cars:
    The worst place on earth to be during a tornado, ( except for mobile home ). Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car... Unless your towing a moblie home.
    
    
16. A Ditch:
    Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself without shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out- running it in a car.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]