Life's Truths for Adults
I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
There is nothing worse than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told
you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ...
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Shoot!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I
didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on
when I first saw it.
I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded plastic bags
in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Is it just me, or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can
find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in
about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
[ Author Unknown -- Received from dadiodio, via 'Good Clean Funnies List' (firstname.lastname@example.org) ]
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