'Twas the Month After Christmas

        'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
        Nothing fit me, not even a blouse.

        The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
        As the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

        When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
        When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

        I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
        The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

        The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
        And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'

        As I dressed myself, in my husband's old shirt
        And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--.

        I said to myself, only as I can
        'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!

        So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
        Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

        Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
        'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.'

        I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
        I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick..

        I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread pie,
        I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

        I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
        But isn't that what January is for?

        Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
        Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

        Diet?? Did I say 'Diet'?? What Diet!?? (heh hehe...)

[ Author Unknown -- from Rita, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]


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