Unspoken rules for the modern man!
On car trips with the family, never ask for directions
when you're lost... Just keep driving aimlessly around, searching for the
mysterious Lost Street of the Da****. Navigate by the
seat of your pants like the great Lewis and Clark explorers
But it's okay to stop for directions when driving
with another guy... because he won't sit patiently as
you pass the same McDonald's for the third time.
Inch forward at stoplights to keep up with the guys
in the cars on both sides...
It's all about who's out in front.
Even if you don't know a hub cap from a distributor
cap, never admit you're a stranger to the male domain
of auto mechanics... If your car won't run and you're
at a loss for words, try "Could be a cracked ring. Have
you checked the compression?
A real man doesn't need the instruction sheet to figure
out something as simple as programming his new VCR... but
to cook something as simple as oatmeal, a guy will follow
the recipe with the exactitude of a chemical engineer.
Don't confess that you know little, and could care
less, about a particular sport, especially if it's
during the finals... "Yeah, that Bo, he's really
something. WOW!, did you see that hook shot!"
Never admit you don't understand a political issue...
Opinions are like whiskers. You're not an adult male
There's no need to consult the TV Guide when
there's a remote control handy... Just dive bomb
through all 51 channels, evading commercials like
flak, in the never-ending search for a suitable
If you spill something on the floor, clean it up
with a bath towel... It's unmanly to get down on the
floor, so just slop the towel around with your feet.
Never pay one of your buddies a compliment. Instead
say things like "Where'd you get your haircut, the
school for the blind?" or "Who is that awesome blonde
I saw you with, and what are you going to do for a date
once she meets me?"... He'll instinctively get the
message that this means you value his friendship.
If a man cuts you with one of those insults,
tell your girlfriend that it hurt your feelings, and
you'll come off more sensitive than Phil Donahue.
But never reveal it to the other guy... "Coach,
when you said I was a low-life doofus for
striking out with the bases loaded, it made me
feel small and sad."
A man should make as much as or more money than
his girlfriend or wife. He should be as tall or
taller, and at least as smart. Naturally, he should
be able to outplay her in many activities, from
Ping-Pong to chess... Having met these requirements,
he should be liberated enough to be unconcerned
about such things.
If you can't take it, you're not a man (whatever
"it" might be)... Maybe you're scared of roller
coasters, but if your buddies want to go on
one, you'd better gird your loins and groan
through the zero-Gs or you'll never hear the end of it.
Ignore or deny physical pain... As comedian
Billy Crystal reports, "Mike Tyson once hit
Trevor Berbick so hard, Trevor did the dance
Ann-Margaret did in Bye Bye, Birdie. Did he
hurt you, Trevor? 'I was, ah, stunned, that's
all, just stunned.'"
Never openly display a broken heart or discuss
it with other guys...That's between you, your
six-pack and your collection of Frank Sinatra records.
Don't tell another man your deepest hopes or
fears... That's like saying,"How do you like
my suit of armor - It's only got two weak spots
in it - here and here."
If you want to lose weight, don't even think
about giving up Ben & Jerry's Chuncky Monkey
ice cream... Instead, pull on your running
shoes and pound those calories into submission.
Every guy should be hip about guns... Hand
an economics professor a Remington, and even
if he's never been within 100 light years of
a gun before, he'll work the action, sight
down the barrel and generally act like a
reincarnation of Daniel Boone or Rambo.
When shopping with your mate, do not trail
her into the women's lingerie department...
Stand clear of those racks of silk-and-lace
panties like a mechanic would avoid the
Whirling Fan blades of Death.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
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