This is an actual job application that a 75
year old senior submitted to Walmart in
Arkansas... they hired him because he
was so honest and funny.
NAME: George Martin
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person (or one who'll cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President
or Vice President. But seriously, what ever is
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus
stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate
question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE
AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Sagittarius
[ Author Unknown -- from Lorraine, via 'LABLaughs' (LABLaughs@LABLaughs.com) ]
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