Walmart Application

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Walmart in Arkansas... they hired him because he was so honest and funny.

• NAME: George Martin
  
  
• SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).
  
  
• DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, what ever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
  
  
• DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
  
  
• EDUCATION: Yes.
  
  
• LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
  
  
• SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
  
  
• MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
  
  
• REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
  
  
• HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
  
  
• PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
  
  
• DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
  
  
• MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
  
  
• DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?
  
  
• DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
  
  
• HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may  already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
  
  
• WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks  I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
  
  
• DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
  
  
• SIGN HERE: Sagittarius
  

[ Author Unknown -- from Lorraine, via 'LABLaughs' (LABLaughs@LABLaughs.com) ]