Ways To Survive A Dull Sermon

(Not necessary if you are in a red hot Apostolic Church)

  • Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests

  • See if a yawn really is contagious

  • Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the minister.

  • Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs

  • Listen for the speakers to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet.

  • Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.

  • Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

  • Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.

  • Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.

  • Unobtrusively draw your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt inside out.

  • Try to raise one eyebrow.

  • Think about your chin for an entire minute.

  • Twiddle your thumbs.

  • Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments' ]


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