What I Learnt From The Movies
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to
other part of the building without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not
be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a
note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat
them. The Mother will not be upset by this.
Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
All single women have a cat.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
than 20 men firing at one.
Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if
any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
knocked out their predecessor.
During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person
you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their
at least 20 minutes to escape.
Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's
Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and
accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
All Rights Reserved.