You're Having A Bad Day When

• The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
  
  
• You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
  
  
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
  
  
• You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag.
  
  
• You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
  
  
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
  
  
• Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
  
  
• You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
  
  
• You wake up to the soothing sound of running water... and remember that you just bought a waterbed.
  
  
• Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
  
  
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
  
  
• You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
  
  
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
  
  
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
  
  
• You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
  
  
• You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
  
  
• You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
  
  
• The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes... and no one has touched it.
  
  
• Nothing you own is actually paid for.
  
  
• You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
  
  
• You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money... from the electric company.
  
  
• Airline food starts to taste good.
  
  
• Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
  
  
• Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
  
  
• You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
  
  
• You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
  
  
• Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
  
  
• Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
  
  
• Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
  
  
• Your aunt Maddie, who has two poodles and a chihuahua, tells you that her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate... and you live in Arizona. The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
  
  
• You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodyear Blimp is gaining on you.
  
  
• The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
  
  
• People think you are 40... and you really are.
  
  
• You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.
  
  
• Everyone is laughing but you.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' ]