You Might be a Preacher

You Might be a Preacher if....
  • You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover you really were.

  • You've ever wondered why people couldn't die at more appropriate times.

  • You're leading the church into the 21st century, but you don't know what you're preaching on Sunday.

  • A church picnic is no picnic -- for you.

  • You've ever spoken for free and were worth every penny.

  • You said it's Sunday, but Monday's coming!

  • You wonder why the tax seminar leader didn't open with prayer.

  • Instead of getting "ticked off," you get "grieved in your spirit."

  • You've ever been tempted to take an offering at a family reunion.

  • You'd rather talk to people with every head bowed and every eye closed.

  • You've ever wanted to "lay hands" on a deacon's neck or punch out a council member.

  • You hesitate to tell people what you do for a living.

  • You ever talked to a person who was sitting on a bedpan.

  • You find yourself counting people at a sports event.

  • You received an anonymous U-Haul gift certificate.

  • Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.

  • You've ever stretched the truth (lied) at a funeral.

  • You always read the obituaries (with hopefulness).

  • You've ever had an anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.

  • You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you.

  • You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion..."

  • The ideas you bounce-off board members really do.

  • Your car tires are balding faster than your head.

  • You wish someone would steal some of the sheep in your flock.

  • You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church Soft Ball Game.

  • Your Bible has more side notes than printed text.

  • You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building.

  • The "Annual Church Meeting" and "Armageddon" are one and the same to you.
Does any or all this seem very familiar to you?

[ Author Unknown -- from 'jo-jokers' and 'The Funnies' ]


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