You Might be a Preacher

You Might be a Preacher if....

• You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover you really were.
  
  
• You've ever wondered why people couldn't die at more appropriate times.
  
  
• You're leading the church into the 21st century, but you don't know what you're preaching on Sunday.
  
  
• A church picnic is no picnic -- for you.
  
  
• You've ever spoken for free and were worth every penny.
  
  
• You said it's Sunday, but Monday's coming!
  
  
• You wonder why the tax seminar leader didn't open with prayer.
  
  
• Instead of getting "ticked off," you get "grieved in your spirit."
  
  
• You've ever been tempted to take an offering at a family reunion.
  
  
• You'd rather talk to people with every head bowed and every eye closed.
  
  
• You've ever wanted to "lay hands" on a deacon's neck or punch out a council member.
  
  
• You hesitate to tell people what you do for a living.
  
  
• You ever talked to a person who was sitting on a bedpan.
  
  
• You find yourself counting people at a sports event.
  
  
• You received an anonymous U-Haul gift certificate.
  
  
• Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.
  
  
• You've ever stretched the truth (lied) at a funeral.
  
  
• You always read the obituaries (with hopefulness).
  
  
• You've ever had an anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.
  
  
• You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you.
  
  
• You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion..."
  
  
• The ideas you bounce-off board members really do.
  
  
• Your car tires are balding faster than your head.
  
  
• You wish someone would steal some of the sheep in your flock.
  
  
• You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church Soft Ball Game.
  
  
• Your Bible has more side notes than printed text.
  
  
• You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building.
  
  
• The "Annual Church Meeting" and "Armageddon" are one and the same to you.

Does any or all this seem very familiar to you?

[ Author Unknown -- from 'jo-jokers' and 'The Funnies' ]