If I was the Devil ...
"If I were the Prince of Darkness, I would want to engulf the whole
world in darkness. And I would have one-third of the real estate and
four-fifths of the population, but I wouldn't be happy until I had the
ripest apple on the tree."
So I'd set about, however necessary, to take over the United States.
I'd subvert the churches first; I'd begin with a campaign of whispers.
With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to
Eve: "Do as you please."
To the youth I would whisper, "The Bible is a myth."
I would convince them that man made God instead of the other way
I would confide that what's bad is good and what's good is "square."
In the ears of the young married I would whisper that work is debasing,
that cocktail parties are good for you.
And to the old I would teach to pray after me: "Our Father, who art in
And then I'd get organized; I'd educate authors in how to make lurid
literature exciting, so that everything else would appear dull and
I'd threaten television with dirtier movies and vice versa.
I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could; I'd sell alcohol to ladies and
gentlemen of distinction; I'd tranquilize the rest with pills.
If I were the Devil I'd soon have families at war with themselves,
churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves;
until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher
ratings I'd have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.
If I were the Devil I'd encourage schools to refine young intellects
but neglect to discipline emotions: let those run wild. Before you
know it, you'd have to have drug-sniffing dogs and metal detector
at every school house door. Within a decade I'd have prisons
With flattery and promises of power I would get the courts to do what I
construe as against God and in favor of pornography.
I'd designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and
I'd get the preachers to say, "She's right." Thus, I could evict God
from the courthouse, then from the school house, and then from the
Houses of Congress.
And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion
and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys,
girls, and church money.
If I were the Devil I would make the symbol of Easter an egg and the
symbol of Christmas a bottle.
If I were the Devil I'd take from those who have and give it to those
who want it, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.
What'll you bet that I couldn't get whole States to promote gambling
as the way to get rich?
I would caution against extremes: in hard work, in patriotism, and in
I would convince the youth that marriage is old-fashioned, but swinging
is more fun; that what you see on television is the way to be; and thus
I could undress you in public and I could lure you into bed where there
are diseases for which there is no cure.
Then I would separate families, putting children in uniform, women in
coal mines and objectors in slave-labor camps.
In other words, if I were the Devil, I'd just keep doing what I'm
doing now -- it's working.
[ Paul Harvey -- from Jim and Paula ]
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