My Moment For Finding Faith

It began in 1980, the lowest period of my entire life! My marriage and my family were blowing up all around me; I surely didn't want it to happen, but I was powerless to change the course. At my lowest ebb, I even attempted suicide once (drove my car at 80mph -- with no seat belt -- and headed for a tree . . . forgetting that the slight ditch 'twixt me and the tree would change my course ever so slightly, such that I witnessed a tree rushing by my window at probably 70mph . . . and me stuck in a muddy field! I look back on that moment and realize that God must have intervened because he had other uses for me on this earth. But I digress . . .

It was a particularly devastating time in my life. I had left my own home to live in an apartment with my then 10-year-old son (who would just have been in the way of his Mother's new-found life-style)!

Every day I mourned my fate, having lost my wife, my family, and my home! I was more financially strapped than I'd ever imagined possible. I had to pay the mortgage on the home my wife and her new "friend" were living in, for the car that she was still driving, child support and alimony, and now also rent on the apartment and living expenses for my son and myself. On top of it all, I was now a single parent, having to put meals on the table, look after my son's medical needs, jockeying my son hither, tither, and yon, and all the other domestic chores.

Well, one night when I hit the hay, I sat on the edge of my bed and "talked to God" (which is what I did in lieu of formal praying). And I only got the name "God" out of my mouth when I began crying . . . real hard! And yes, I was raised in the 50's, when we learned that men just do not cry! I hadn't cried since burying the last of my grandparents. But here I was, unable to speak to God Himself because I was blubbering like a fool! Well, eventually I did recover enough to continue my talk with God.

"God, You know the misery I am going through right now. The fact that I mourn those things most precious to me in this life . . . my wife, my family, and my home. Because of that, I'm not doing very well. But on top of that I've got bills that there's just no way I can cover! And I alone am now responsible for raising my son. Add to that the fact that I've been abandoned by my daughter (who had "sided" with Mommy in this terrible affair).

"Well, God, I'm here to tell you that I just can't take it anymore! I'm asking You, I'm begging You ... PLEASE ... step in and carry the load for just a little while so that I can recuperate!"

I wish I could tell you that Angels appeared out of nowhere to comfort me. Or that I was actually able to SEE God. But, no such thing. Do you want to know what happened next? I laid down and went to sleep! And I had the very best sleep I'd had since my nightmare had begun maybe six months ago!

When I woke up in the morning I somehow realized the help that I'd asked God to give me. And I was able to just shrug my shoulders at the absence of my wife and my daughter, the pile of bills just sitting there waiting to be paid, and my son, calling for my attention! Somehow I knew these things would be "taken care of," one way or another, in God's way and God's time!

And that, my friend, is Faith!


Addendum -- 1 Peter 5:7   "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you."

[ Jim Graf -- from 'Motivational Mailer' ]