There's an emptiness so deep inside of me.
I wonder if it ever will be filled?
Like a blackened hole in which there is no end-
and it can't be cured by some precarious pill.
An ache that eats away with every tick
of the clock of my own mortality.
I cannot stop the hands from moving forth.
Where are the answers in this world for me?
When I see a mother walking down the road
with her wee one and that look upon her face.
I hate myself for how I feel inside-
because I envy her calmness and her grace.
Is it wrong to want what I may never have?
If it is how do I stop the pain inside?
Do I wish for things that just will never be?
Have I put myself upon a painful ride?
I know that faith is when I cast away,
all the fears inside and give them all to Him.
I don't know why I can't just let them go-
and trust that He will fill the space within.
I talk the talk as if I were a master.
I walk the walk as if I were a fool.
I resist that which should not be resisted
and I end up feeling life can be so cruel.
I know better, yes I do and that is why
I feel like a hypocrite when I express-
these feelings of fear and not of faith.
Is it a sign of my humble humanness?
I don't know what path I should be on.
This one, though sometimes painful, is where I am.
No one said that life would be easy, yes I know.
The key is trusting that this is part of His plan.
Life is meant to teach, of this I'm sure.
One lesson keeps on coming back to me.
That the part of me that feels true joy and love-
Is the part that is made of Divinity.
Ellen M. DuBois Copyright © 2002 -- submitted by: Ellen M. DuBois ]
All Rights Reserved.