My Heart Was Broken
Not long ago, my relationship with the Lord was as awesome as it could be.
I trusted in Him, and I told Him a number of times that "He" can trust "me."
My time in prayer with the Lord was something that I never thought I'd experience.
It was personal and intimate, and most certainly, I felt His presence.
Then there came a time that my world came tumbling down.
When this happened, my faith decreased, and my face froze in a frown.
The job that God told me I would have, I got.
But then a week later, it was taken away, and I was so distraught.
I couldn't even bare to talk about what happened... it hurt way too bad.
Even when people tried to encourage me in the Lord, in my heart, I was still just as sad.
I got to wondering if God really did speak to me like I believed He did.
If God gave me the job, why would it be taken away? (this thought, Iwanted to rid).
I had so many questions for God that I wanted answered, but I couldn't pray during that time.
The mountain kept getting bigger and bigger, way too steep for me to climb.
I was heartbroken with God (not angry), and the people who were involved.
This emptiness, loneliness, and confusion in my mind, I didn't think would get solved.
When things started to go down hill, that's when my faith started to vanish.
My spiritual life was full of nothing but anguish.
I say that my heart was broken, but I didn't think about how I must have broken God's heart.
I stopped trusting, and that's when my closeness with God started to depart.
I hurt Him big time when He saw that He couldn't trust me as I told Him He could.
When I fell off the mountain top I almost lost my faith, and I didn't call out to Him as I should.
Well, as time went on, I finally got back to where I could think about Him.
I still have a long way to go, but my spiritual eyes are no longer dim.
Yes, the questions are still there, but I made my mind up to keep my promise I made to God.
I will trust Him, and know that He will take care of me 'coz He is no fraud.
There's a reason why things turned out the way they did, and I will try not to question the why's.
As for satan telling me God will (and never did) speak to me, I will not listen to his lies.
Many of my friends have been saying that God has something better in store for me (which I didn't believe at the time).
Well, I see now that this must be true, and it's helping me to know that this mountain, I can climb.
I pray that I will not loose trust in God again, and that I can prove to God that He "can" trust me.
I will do just that, and soon the trust on both sides, God will see.
If you have questions as to why God let certain things happen to you, don't let it ruin your relationship with Him.
There's a reason for our trials, and we need not have to grasp on the end of a limb.
What ever the situation, give God praise for it, and this will help you through the hard times.
The bible tells us to give God praise for "all" things (although it's hard to do sometimes).
[ by: V. Elaine Ables
© 2003 (ElainesSpot@webtv.net) -- submitted by: V. Elaine Ables ]
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