When selecting treats to pass out at the homestead, avoid non-
nutritious candies and gums. Instead offer celery and blue cheese sauce
platters. While the neighborhood rugrats may loathe you, you'll undoubtedly
be a hit with the local dental hygienist (Note: House windows should be
securely boarded before attempting).
Take care to choose a Halloween personae that lends itself to self-
defense. A wicked witch with the trademark broom has a vast combative edge
over an wand-wielding fairy.
When trying to choose an appropriate costume, be sure to select the darkest
colors available. Go for black ninja suits or other non-reflective garb.
Costume accessories can really make the difference. Avoid using plastic
props. Opt for real cutlery to stand out in the crowd. If living in the
deep rural South, avoid dressing up in a white sheet, for any reason. Such
action can be misconstrued and ultimately lead to grotesque bodily harm.
And for little tikes, don't garb them in a white bed sheet that's bound to
get tarnished! To cut Halloween budget corners, use white kitchen garbage
bags. The costume also doubles as a large goodie bag, in the event that the
feelings of asphyxiation simply become too unbearable for the youngster.
With so much geared toward the youngest family members, awkward teens can
often feel left out. Insist that they dress up in a costume that will
complement the young sibling's attire (Raggedy Ann and Andy, Prince and
When out collecting candy, visit houses in out-of-the-way dimly lit areas.
Especially look for houses without *any lights on. These are the
enthusiasts trying to make Halloween especially authentic and eerie for
If no unlit houses can be found in your area, you will be forced to approach
the well-lighted houses. But don't knock on the door!
Instead, sneak around an knock on windows or rustle around in crawl-
spaces. The resident family will appreciate your sense of originality and
will likely reward you handsomely.
After you've been trick-or-treating, simply disregard all wrapped or
"store-bought" candy. People handing this stuff out just don't give a darn
and simply took the easy out. Go for the home-baked goodies.
You can also look for organized community events to entertain teens.
Who can forget playing "Disintegrate The Mailbox," "Pumpkin Toss," "Teacher
Toilet Paper Party," "Plastic Pumpkin Pillage,"
and "Pummel The Ghoulies."
[ Author Unknown - from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) - updated 2012 ]
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